break up, letting go, and finding myself

hi guys I'm Emmy for those of you who followed me on Instagram and Facebook might know already recently I announced the end of my romantic relationship with Chad I know that a breakup is A Private Matter however I do understand that I used to film so much of like my personal relationship Vlog of like my life I do think YouTube is something that's very personal to me and I wanted to stay that way and I still want to keep sharing my journey with you as my life goes through different changes I do want to address this like huge elephant in the room before moving forward and making all different kind of content because in the past year a lot of you have questions and like just wondering what happened all of a sudden it's like he's gone and even though we're not romantically together anymore we're still unfriendly terms and actually Chad is here today chat do you want to say hi hi guys this feels so interesting it's like when we used to film video yeah we still want to be friends who support each other and we'll still co-parent the dogs yeah like many of you asked as well later at the end of the video I'll also talk about my upcoming plan and what's the arrangement I'll leave you to it bye guys I guess I want to share a bit of my experience there are a lot of you who are also going through a breakup or letting go of like a long-term relationship so when you let go of a relationship especially one that is so long like we were together for 10 years it's not just letting go this one person is letting go of this whole future and whole life that you pictured you would have together like a few years ago I thought this is it this is going to be my life we have two dogs and in a few years we might have kids life doesn't always go the way that you expected it to be and that's okay there's so many paths in life that before my mind was just so set on to this like one path that maybe Society or like our parents would be telling us the whole time we were growing up like you go to school you graduate you find a stable job you get married you have kids you keep working and raising the kids and then one day you retire and that's just how life goes and now that I am older I realize life is not so simple like relationships are not so simple just because you're not on this most socially acceptable path that everyone expects you to be on doesn't mean that you're failing in life there's also this timeline that Society seems to tell us if we're not doing certain things by a certain age we're also failing in life this one path might not be for everyone and if it doesn't bring you happiness or fulfillment it's okay to try find out what's the path for you one good thing is that we don't have kids yet it's definitely better to make this decision now when we know that our relationship is not working anymore then keep going on to that traditional path to just go ahead and have kids because I need to meet this timeline even though I'm not ready my relationship is not ready and that's just passing on trauma to the Next Generation when Chad and I met and started a relationship we were in our early 20s at that time we were still so young and growing and changing as a person I had no idea who I was so it is not true that in the relationship you grew into different person and sometimes people grow apart as they trying to find out who they are or who they want to be in this world and that we have different paths in life that we need to go separately on like I said it's not just letting go of one person but it's also all the other things that come with it for example are dogs how now we won't be a family unit with our dogs together so at first like these are also some of the issues that I was really scared to make the decision because am I also losing the dog and this beautiful apartment that we first moved in together my helper Yaya whom I love and I felt like a great bond with but if I'm just living by myself I don't really need a Helper and then there's my work like YouTube before my content is almost either Fitness my workout videos or as videos with chat all my lifestyle content was with Chad because I always felt so awkward just talking by myself like right now and I also think it's natural that when you have such a long-term relationship you depend on the other person a lot just figuring out life together so one of my biggest fear was who am I without all this it really took me quite some time to find that courage to to learn how to let go of my attachment to all these external things that shouldn't be reasons to stay in a relationship it's so selfish to keep someone in a relationship because of all these things I need to learn to not rely on someone else for my happiness and I remember someone telling me you want to live the life that you want instead of just constantly living in fear of the things that you would lose it's almost like I need to find my power back my confidence that I can do this on my own it's also the fear of I'm in my 30s now what if I never find someone else who would love me as much and I think my mom also said what if you end up alone going all by yourself like my parents would be so worried a lot of people also said that at age 31 as a girl I'm like too old to be single the dating pool will be getting smaller how can I compete with girls like in their 20s like don't be delusional while chat like in his 30s for a guy is at his prime age it's so easy for him like to move on with a lot of girls and for women there's this timeline because the biological clock is ticking you need to have kids like before a certain age for a period of time like I also told myself these things that's what we've been told by the society for so long but I've also learned to look at it from another perspective 31 is actually still really really young like most people these days live until like 70 80. if you look at it like that I'm not even halfway through my life so at this point after 10 years we already realized there are certain things that were not in alignment in a relationship is that how we want to spend 30 40 years together in a relationship where we're not living our best life even if you're in your 40s 50s 60s 70s 80s no one is too old to leave a relationship that's not working and so for me I no longer look at age as a limit it I want to have the confidence and believe in myself that I can create any future and dreams that I want so while I don't want this to be a sad video I don't want you guys to think that I was not sad at all about this relationship ending there was a period of time that I was in pain and in sadness and I was also diagnosed with moderate depression which is also more of my own Journey but I think that topic to served its own video I'll talk about it next time I think when I'm more ready but now I have come to a place where I am at peace with my decision and I look forward to the next chapter in life and since we announced a breakup publicly I'm grateful for all the love an